My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize