I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
