It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
