lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
