now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
