and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize