He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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