she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
