Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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