The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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