im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
