1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
