I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
