just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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