By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
