My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
