Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize