Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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