I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
