just come out here and I will go home with you...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im holly from the hills drunk
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize