Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
