dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
