So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
