Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
