booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
