Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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