Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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