I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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