he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
