The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize