ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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