I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize