I'm so fucking centered right now
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
