I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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