so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
