i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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