New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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