Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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