I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
try to milk me bitch
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