watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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