someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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