You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
