i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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