know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The feeling are messing with the penis
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
