So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
