it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drake has all the answers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
