Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
