New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
