Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
