I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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