Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
