the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
God, I missed his penis.
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