I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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