As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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