shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
