She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
