It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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