remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
