You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
