Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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