You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
barbara walters just said penis...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i now understand why vodka
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Someone signed my nipple.
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