the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize