Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
