The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
