My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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