kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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