True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
