No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
