We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
