k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize