the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize