Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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