I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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