i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
