He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
