I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize