New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
