i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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