just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just gargled with NyQuil
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
