70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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