Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
