Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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