so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
