So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
