i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the condom got lost in my hair
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
