she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
