do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
