I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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