I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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