Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
