I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
