God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
