Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
