Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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