i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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