her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
