Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
