WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
