Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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